The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would lose 34 kilos.
At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."

Little Marol was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cherub faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, " What are you up to there, Marol?"
My goldfish died," replied Marol tearfully, without looking up," and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Marol patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because it's inside your cat."

A dress shop received this note: " Dear Sir, You have not yet delivered that maternity dress I ordered. Please cancel the order; my delivery was faster than yours!!".

A charming rhyme seen in Hong Kong:-
Please don't send me to the hospital
I know what will happen
Hospital will grab my purse
Switch me from nurse to nurse
I'll go from bed to worse;
And end up in a hearse.

One young man to another. "It's not that I spend more than I earn, It's just that I spend quicker then I earn it.

When General Mark Clark was asked what was the best advice he ever had, he answered, "To marry the girl I did."
"Who gave you that advice, General?"
"She did."

My five old year son went with me to see a young couple's new baby. He gazed at the small red wrinkled face for a long time, then murmured solemnly, "So that's why she hid him under her coat for so long."

A reckless motorist, charged with driving over a crossing, without due caution, explained, "I always hurry through to get out of the way of reckless drivers."

Rudyard Kipling :

There once was a boy in Quebec
Who was buried in snow to his neck
When asked " Are you friz?"
He replied "Yes, I is,
But we don't call this cold in Quebec."

The kindergarten mistress was leading a set of five-year olds in a set of strenous exercises. As she tapped out the rhythm, she was heard chanting, "Come on - wear yourselves out! Come on - wear yourselves out".

Question: What is Pooja Bhatt's favorite bedroom lie?
Answer: "I love you".

Accountant to his fellow worker : "For a minute this deficit really had me worried .... I forgot I was working for the Government."

New secretary to irate boss : "Of course, I can spell correctly. But I'm not fanatic about it."

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

Question: What is the full form of Washington D.C.?
Answer: Washington Dot Com

Frowning psychiatrist to office nurse on phone: "Just say we're terribly busy - not 'It's a mad-house!'"

A teacher was startled by this note she received from the mother of one of her pupils: "Dear Teacher. Please excuse Pappu for being. It was his father's fault."

B enazir Bhutto To Nawaz Sharief: "if you were my husband I'd put poison in your lassi."
"Benazir," replied Nawaz, "if I were your husband I'd drink that lassi."

Home

Joke of the Day

Santa tries his luck in Kaun Banega Crorepati. Amitabh : Ek hazaar rupeyo ke liye, aapka pehla sawaal. What does "C" stand for, in the term LIC? Aapke options: A) Company B) Corporation C) Colony D) Cell. Santa : Corporation! Amitabh : Sure? Santa: Hah! Amitabh : Confident! Santa: Yes! Amitabh : Lock kar doo! Santa: Haaji! Amitabh : Computerji please lock option B - corporation. Amitabh : Saahi jawab, aap ek hazaar rupey jeet gaye! Amitabh : Apne itna mushkil sawaal kaa jawaab diya... ab apse mein ek simple sawaal karoonga... Amitabh : Aapke pitaji ka naam kya hai? Santa : (sits silently) Amitabh : (After a long pause) What is your father's name? Santa : (again sits silently, without uttering a word). Amitabh : Aap chahe to aapke life lines istamal kar sakte hein. Santa : (still sits silently, says nothing) Amitabh : Kya ab backout karna chahte hai? Santa : Oye nahi Amitji! Aapne abhi tak mujhe 4 options diye hi nahi!

Amitabh is questioning a guy on KBC.
He asks him "Meri company ka naam kya hain?"
Options : TISCO, Wipro, ABCL, Reliance.
The guys says "ABCL"
Amitabh asks "Sure, confident?"

The guys says " yes confident"
Amitabh says "Computerji ABCL ko tala laga do"
The computer replies "Abe gadhe ABCL ko 2 saal se tala laga hua hai !"

Over drinks one evening two gentleman were having a discussion about the charms, or lack there-of of the actress Sharon Stone.
"I say she`s highly over-rated," said one "Take away her eyes, her lips, her legs and that figure, and what have you got ?
My wife" said the other with a heavy sigh.

Banta had just moved to Chennai. He decided to learn the local language, Tamil, so that he could converse easily with the locals.
So he went to the bookstore and picked up two copies of 'Learn Tamil in Thirty Days'. The shopkeeper enquired, " Sir, is the second copy for your friend?"
"No yaar, I want to learn Tamil in just fifteen days."

One aimless shopper to another: "If you don't plan to buy anything in this shop, let's look at something more expensive."

A psychiatrist ran into one of his patients at a restaurant. "Doctor," the woman said, introducing her spouse, "this is my husband - one of the men I've been telling you about."

A little boy, taken to the ballet for the first time, watched curiously as the dancers cavorted about on their toes.
"Mummy," he whispered loudly, "why don't they just get taller girls?"

A farmer's wife was terribly suspicious.
Every evening she subjected her husband to an inspection.
And if she found even a single hair on his coat, she created a terrible scene.
One night, she found nothing. "So," she screamed: "Now it's a bald-headed woman!"

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd collected. A newspaper reporter anxious to get his story could not get near the car. But being a bright young fellow, he started crying loudly, "Let me through! I am the son of the victim."
The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the damaged car was the donkey it had run over.

Question: What is common between the Indo-Pak border and postal envelopes issued by the Indian Post Office?
Answer: Neither can be sealed.

A mother narrates a dialogue between Willy Brandt and his assistant in a plane. Said Willy, "If I throw a 100-mark note, it would make atleast the one German who found it happy again."
"Ten 10-mark notes would be a better idea,"replied his assistant. "They would make 10 Germans happy."
The pilot who overheard the conversation butted in "If I threw both of you out it would make 50 million Germans happy."

A man, after an medical examination, was told by the doctor that he was in a pretty bad way. "Too little blood in your alcohol stream."

A youngster, being dressed down for a poor report, asked: "What do you think the trouble with me is, Dad - heredity or environment?"

B oss to voluptuous secretary: "Take the afternoon off, Miss Mona - I want to think."

P shchiatrist to patient: "Maybe you havn't got a complex - maybe you are inferior."

I rate taxi driver to fare: "There'll be no charge lady; you did most of the driving."

A taxi was creeping slowly through the rush-hour traffic of Delhi and as it always happens, the passenger was in a great hurry. "Please," he said to the driver, "can't you go any faster?"
"Of course I can," the cabby replied.. "But I ain't allowed to leave the taxi."

Wife to husband about to hang picture: "You'll find the hammer in the drawer, the nails in the cupboard, and the bandages in the medicine cabinet."

For twenty years, mused the man at the bar, "my wife and I were ecstatically happy."
"Then what happened?" asked the bartender.
"We met."

Seen inside a DTC bus:
Aana free
Jaana free
Pakray gaye to
Khana free

"I understand you had an argument with your wife?"
"Yes."
"How did it end up?"
"Ultimately she came down on her knees", and said "if you are a man, come out from beneath the bed and fight like a man!"